THE IMPORTANCE OF PRE-MARITAL COUNSELING’ part 5

 

Q: You get married to someone and they later reveal that there was a time where they conceived a child and made a sacrifice with the child to be rich, how would you feel?

A: That is a door, it is an open door to leave. When she conceives in our marriage, she will claim to have miscarriages while she sacrificed our kids.

Abraham Unknown: It is difficult as certain things it is not a matter of sin but moral because no matter what you cannot sacrifice your own blood. There is an extent, there is a person who is not born again but does not sacrifice their child. What prevents them is not wanting to sin but their morals. Therefore it is not that sin has not been dealt with but your principles as a human being must kick in.

DEBTS

Abraham Unknown: The issue of debts is important. There are people who got married then after they want to buy a house and only to realize that the other is blacklisted. Some people are indebted and what people do not know is that debts are an addiction, every time the person wants something they can go into debts just to get what they want.

Q: Is it important to know if your spouse is in debt, would you want to know if your spouse has a problem with debts?

A: Personally I would like to know because some habits might be transferred to the kids, in some instances, people might come to the house and want to take furniture then I want to call the police only to find that they are taking what belongs to them.

Abraham Unknown: There was an incident where we were counseling a couple and they got married and moved into an apartment, and later people came knocking saying the spouse owed them. They later divorced and now the woman was indebted because they were married in community of property.

One important thing you must know is that even customary marriage is marriage in community of property, Lobola is customary marriage and when you sign at Home Affairs you are asked if you want to marry in or out of community of property. But with us believers we get married in community of property unless it is for business purposes, your finances become my finances and similar to debts.

THE ISSUE OF DIVORCE

Q: What do you think about divorce? Would you be comfortable marrying someone who was once married?

A: I’ve never thought about it but it is challenging, as there are vows and commitment broken and I have to still engage on top of a broken vow and commitment, it won’t be easy.

You once taught us about comparison, once you divorce and marry again you will compare your current with your previous spouse.

Abraham Unknown: How you are answering you are being logical and not scriptural and it is true, scripturally it is deep.

The issue with divorce, these are the challenges people face — you are married to someone who is divorced and they compare you to the previous spouse, it is a difficult matter compared to when you marry a widow because with marrying someone who divorced it is a choice because this person divorced someone.

Personally, as a minister, I feel like if a person is divorced the person you were once married to is available to have a conversation with your new partner, it is time we hear both sides of the story. Both parties involved somehow have a different version as to what might have gone wrong in their marriage.

Q: Do you think it will help you to have a conversation with the person your spouse was previously married to? Yes,
there are possibilities that the person might lie, although lies might be involved but would it not help to know?

And in the process ask God to assist you to detect a lie and a truth. What could have been the cause of the separation that they did not consider the vow and commitment they made?

A: Personally I would not want to know.

It can be beneficial or not, the lady will only show and say what I want to hear. However, if the ex-husband was to be involved he might also be bitter and lie about what had truly happened. It is tricky.

Hearing the story from the other person involved, because when people divorce there are a lot of things involved even lies and the other might be bitter. However, approaching that person will take wisdom not to ask them directly so to get the whole truth.

Abraham Unknown: It is not exactly what they say that you are looking for, but it is the character and pattern you want to detect. For example with the reality shows we watch, when they interview the person who wrote to the show it is sad listening to their story until they go and interview the other person involved that is when you notice that the person who wrote to the show is not entirely innocent, the character is revealed. I won’t officiate someone who is divorced, as we are led but I need to hear God about that and God has not said anything. We must hear both sides of the story. The previous relationship about a person tells you a lot, it is like when you do business you will be asked about the previous people you worked with, how do you behave when faced with challenges.

FAMILY SECRETS

Q: What will be a turn-off, if your spouse is to disclose any family secret?

Abraham Unknown: Someone just said witchcraft. There are people who are still undergoing deliverance because of the family of their spouse, they cannot have kids. You can never be possessed when you are in right standing with God, there are people who marry you while they still have weaknesses, that weakness is a door which enables that witchcraft to enter. Somethings are a door for the devil to enter but grace covers us. The spouse must know if you come from a family with witchcraft and if you are also used to practice because some people are born again but still believes in both, there is a huge difference between a person who says no and one who says it does not matter. There are still people who do not see anything wrong with witchcraft and ancestral worship, imagine you marry someone like that?

What would happen when you have challenges and now you have to pray against your spouse surname cutting generational curses and your spouse is offended? There are people who are quiet about certain issues at church because they think it does not affect them, but it is important that these people know that such is wrong.

Q: Family secrets, would you marry a lady who is a product of rape? Because it is a huge matter especially when it is internal, you find that the brother or the father raped the daughter. You later discover that the sister of your spouse is actually the mother, such as complicated family secrets. Would you want to know, so that you can know what to protect your children from?

Abraham Unknown: It is important to know the person. As ministers let us not be too trusting. People are so desperate of getting married that they can even lie. Make sure you get married where there is the truth and know that every person who is manipulated or lied to felt the same way you did about that person, they felt that the person they love cannot lie to them. It is best that you do your research and findings about your spouse.

Q: Ladies would you marry a rapist? specifically, someone who used to rape kids. Answer with either yes or no.

A: No, Daddy I would never.
A: Yes, I would

Q: Because you are married now, how long have you been married? If it happens that police show up and arrest your partner for cases of rape that they previously committed before you were married, how would you feel?

Now he is a changed person and you hear that he once raped children, how would you feel?

A: Two years now, one thing it will delay the fact that we will have our own children, it will question how he will be around our children.

My biggest worry won’t be the deed itself that my husband previously raped, because as we are married those signs I did not pick them up as he is a changed man, the biggest issue will be why did you not disclose it, why hide it till now? That would be the biggest worry.

Q: Daddy is it okay, as a Christian to have a will?

Abraham Unknown: Firstly check your faith, personally I do not have a will as I do not care what will happen to what I have if it happens that immortality does not kick in, but with my kids, I want to provide for them while I am alive. When my children turn 16 years and once they have IDs they must acquire their driver’s license and have cars, then each one must have a car. I must build wealth for them. A will becomes enforced when you die. I must build the character of my kids but measure your faith first.

Q: Daddy is it okay, to stay in your parent’s house with your spouse even if your parents no longer stay there?

Abraham Unknown: Personally I would like to stay with my children and their spouses but only if they are responsible, but if they are not responsible I will kick them out. But with regards to family houses, there are politics as when a married couple being your parents they have 50/50 percent of the house and other assets, when one is deceased and the one alive and gives you the house when they are no more the other 50% ownership is shared evenly among your siblings, therefore, they might contest the will and fight for the house. Hence with parents, while alive you must teach your children to love one another that even when you are not around they do not fight over your assets.

Q: Good evening daddy, I want to ask now with the information surfacing up during premarital marital counseling the decision to go ahead and get married will it be based on the overwhelming information you just found out or will it be from God, and what if the track record of the other partner is very bad but God still says you must marry whilst the other partner cannot, as the minister giving service how would handle the situation?

Abraham Unknown: Note, as much as it is the Will of God, God can never force you to do anything, people should know that the Will of God is not forcefully. If indeed it is the Will of God, He is the one who can change hearts. Without the aid of the Holy Spirit, we cannot love, forgive, or do anything. Do not force anyone to get married because it is the Will of God. After such sessions both parties separately so they are given a chance to pray and think deeply about everything. God answers that is assured. Some people pray like Gideon when he asked for a sign, therefore that is how they pray, saying if this is indeed the Will God give me a sign.

It is important to disclose everything, there is nothing hidden which cannot be revealed, somethings must be revealed to be redeemed some of the character Will reveal them.

Note: Click on the link below to watch the Sunday Service with Abigail and Abraham Unknown

https://www.facebook.com/YeshuaMinistries1/videos/311722269939556/

Your Father Through The Gospel
Abraham Unknown

YESHUA; A CITY ON A HILL, THE LIGHT THAT CANNOT BE HIDDEN!