‘LIVING BY THE SPIRIT’
August 21, 2020
’THE IMPORTANCE OF PREMARITAL COUNSELING’ Part 2
August 24, 2020
Today we will be discussing the importance of premarital counseling and we will be reading one of the chapters in the book.
Q: Did you guys know about premarital counseling, and what did you think about it?
Speaker 1: I did not know about it at first, but according to my understanding, I thought people only go for premarital counseling when they have problems in their marriages, actually not the initial “premarital part” of it. Until I had to go through one that is when my understanding was acquired.
Speaker 2: Personally I had no knowledge about it because where I previously attended church, they would ask random questions such as do you love each other? If yes, then you are told that you can get married. There was no information about premarital counseling. I only became aware of such, when I started fellowshipping at Yeshua Ministries. I thought getting married was simple; you just pick a lady and marry. When things do not go accordingly, then that is when I realized the importance of premarital counseling.
Abraham Unknown: With that said, I’ve just realized that it is actually the problem with dating. There is no pre-dating counseling. It is important to get counseling, have someone to sit you down, and teach you about everything and prepare you. Nonetheless, with regards to premarital counseling, and how they are conducted in other churches; it is different from how we do ours. In other churches, they tell you what marriage is, and that you will encounter fights as a married couple. They advise the woman that she should cook for her husband; but in Yeshua Ministries, we do a different kind of counseling, we tackle everything.
Where I used to fellowship before going to Rabboni Ministries, they conducted premarital counseling by taking the lady to attend a service with the “mothers” in the church. The sessions were not conducted by the Pastor and the wife but the elderly women and their duty were to guide the wife-to-be. There would not be a session for the brother as the husband-to-be, and that is the problem because the Church is more focused on the woman: on how she should conduct herself, and the man is not taught how to conduct himself in marriage. The only question posed to the man is, “do you love her”, and if you want to be with her.
To those who do not really understand the term premarital counseling, in simple terms, it is counseling which you go through before you get married. When you are planning to get married, you attend the sessions with your fiancé.
WHY DO WE NEED PREMARITAL COUNSELING?
Abraham Unknown: In the entire world and universe, we only have one love and that is God, and there is no other love. Our way of describing love where there is no God, that is not love, because true love is found in God. The only way to see that it is not love, you see it by its character, there are certain things that manifest itself such as, proving itself right, arrogance, and full of pride. It is not the love of God. We have only one love which is God, however, as individuals, we do not have the same level of love. The level of “loving” that is in us, is not the same.
The level of love you have determines what you can bear. For example, here is a brother, he wants to marry one of the sisters, but you find that the level of his love for the lady is only sufficient to only how he physically sees her. The minute what is hidden is revealed, his love might not be able to bear those things. It is not that certain people do not love, but their level of love cannot bear certain circumstances.
My oldest daughter is 7 years old. I am certain that she loves me as a father, but the level of love she has for me is not enough for her to work for me. Due to the fact that she is unable to work for me, it does not mean she does not love me. The level of love one has, goes with maturity. My wife can bear with the fact that there is no food in the house, but my child will always be nagging about hunger because she is a child. Both of them love me, but the level of their love is not the same.
With regards to spouses, the person you are planning to get married to, yes it is evident that you love the person, but can your love bear what the person has been through? Or is presently going through? Will you be able to ensure and support your spouse? Will you not rob your spouse of the support they best need? Because anyone who has a spouse needs to be supported fully, but if your love cannot bear what they are going through you will rob them of the support you both need. The above-mentioned is what premarital counseling prepares one for, and help you. This is the importance of premarital counseling.
Q: Do not act holy, but if you are kind you are kind. For example, as a brother, you are engaged to a lady, and you later discover that she is HIV positive; will you continue marrying the lady?
Speaker 1: Honestly it won’t be easy to accept. It can reach a point where I can reject the lady. Boldly so at first, I can say I will accept but at a later stage, it will be hard to accept.
Speaker 2: It will be tough because I have seen HIV positive individuals how they become sick and how they lose the battle to this disease and lose their lives and how they lose weight. I will question everything.
Q: To Speaker 3, as you are married, and hopefully you married the person you were engaged to because people change along the way. If you knew that the person you are about to marry is a father to four children with different women, what would be your reaction?
Speaker 3: I would think I’d be the 5th woman with his kid, another baby mama. This will be the first thing that comes to mind.
Q: Still directed to you as you are married now, let say your partner is HIV positive or has kids out of wedlock. When you realize all those facts would you have measured your love, or say your love will be able to carry him, would you check if you love the person enough to be in this situation with him?
Speaker 3: My focus would be shifted to the fact that he has many kids and HIV positive if I would measure my love, it will decrease eventually.
Abraham Unknown: There are certain things which as a married couple, each one of you was not aware of before you got married. The simplest things which you use to do as a single person, which you would not expose to any man. For example, taking off your wig before any man. It is a small thing, but there are bigger situations like her revealing to you that she is HIV positive.
That is where premarital counseling comes in. It tackles the simplest, and yet bigger issues. It is not 100% because some people are not truthful but some things we as spiritual parents, we are able to detect and discern. Nonetheless, with every premarital counseling which we have conducted, the results are successful, and that is over 50 counselings.
Q: Why do people portray false images or characters before getting married? Men usually give women assurance that they will provide and that she won’t lack. Women portray a humble character, quiet, and that they do not know much?
Speaker 1: It will decrease the chances of the person marrying me, it is about protecting yourself. Hence, I cannot reveal some characters.
Speaker 2: Women have their own check-list, and as a guy, you must make sure I tick all the right boxes as it is possible that she might move to another one, so they won’t reject us.
Q: Personally speaking, I had discovered that it is pointless to cover yourself. As you are married, do you think it was pointless to cover certain things to your husband before you got married?
Speaker 3: Yes, because now he sees me without a wig on. But won’t say it was entirely pointless, maybe he would not have loved me the way he did then.
Note: Click on the link below to watch the Sunday Service with Abigail and Abraham Unknown
https://www.facebook.com/YeshuaMinistries1/videos/311722269939556/
Your Father Through The Gospel
Abraham Unknown
YESHUA; A CITY ON A HILL, THE LIGHT THAT CANNOT BE HIDDEN!
